Something I often hear from white men who are struggling is: "I feel like I've made all the wrong choices in my life."
-
Something I often hear from white men who are struggling is: "I feel like I've made all the wrong choices in my life."
Most of those I've heard this from are disabled men (autism & ADHD being common culprits), who have not become "successful".
They weren't able to complete college or haven't been able to hold a job or climb the career ladder. They don't make much money or succeed at the things that grant them respect, & they can't help but feel it is because something is *wrong* with them.
-
Something I often hear from white men who are struggling is: "I feel like I've made all the wrong choices in my life."
Most of those I've heard this from are disabled men (autism & ADHD being common culprits), who have not become "successful".
They weren't able to complete college or haven't been able to hold a job or climb the career ladder. They don't make much money or succeed at the things that grant them respect, & they can't help but feel it is because something is *wrong* with them.
The white supremacist patriarchy tells white men that the world is theirs. They only have to go out & try, & they will succeed.
This means that if you don't "succeed", it is not the system that is broken, but you.
If you are taught to see yourself & your life in these terms, & then it turns out you are one of the people designated to be stepped on & abused in this system, it's very easy to become convinced that the reason this is happening to you is because you fucked up.
-
The white supremacist patriarchy tells white men that the world is theirs. They only have to go out & try, & they will succeed.
This means that if you don't "succeed", it is not the system that is broken, but you.
If you are taught to see yourself & your life in these terms, & then it turns out you are one of the people designated to be stepped on & abused in this system, it's very easy to become convinced that the reason this is happening to you is because you fucked up.
It must be you, right? Other people did all the right things & succeeded, right, so it must be something to do with you. You must be making the wrong choices because otherwise this wouldn't be happening to you, right?
Wrong.
We're living in an oppressive system, & you are meant to blame yourself & not the system when you suffer.
-
It must be you, right? Other people did all the right things & succeeded, right, so it must be something to do with you. You must be making the wrong choices because otherwise this wouldn't be happening to you, right?
Wrong.
We're living in an oppressive system, & you are meant to blame yourself & not the system when you suffer.
If you are a white man suffering under the kyriarchy, you are not meant to look around & see the other people whom the system crushed.
You are supposed to be angry that you can't achieve the status you were promised, & you are supposed to hate yourself & everyone else who you were taught deserves less than you.
So one of the things I think a lot of men need to learn is "just as "success" is unearned in this system, so is "failure".
-
If you are a white man suffering under the kyriarchy, you are not meant to look around & see the other people whom the system crushed.
You are supposed to be angry that you can't achieve the status you were promised, & you are supposed to hate yourself & everyone else who you were taught deserves less than you.
So one of the things I think a lot of men need to learn is "just as "success" is unearned in this system, so is "failure".
The reason you are being crushed beneath the wheel is that the system demands that some people must be crushed, & you're one of the poor, expendable schmucks.
There isn't anything wrong with you. It's not the choices you made.
You were never going to succeed. The system wasn't made for you. It only pretends to be.
You aren't stuck in a shitty job that doesn't cover the bills because you "weren't man enough" to do better. You're stuck in that job because some fucking assholes hoard everything.
-
The reason you are being crushed beneath the wheel is that the system demands that some people must be crushed, & you're one of the poor, expendable schmucks.
There isn't anything wrong with you. It's not the choices you made.
You were never going to succeed. The system wasn't made for you. It only pretends to be.
You aren't stuck in a shitty job that doesn't cover the bills because you "weren't man enough" to do better. You're stuck in that job because some fucking assholes hoard everything.
It's interesting because it's not something I really experience. I don't have the expectation that I "should" have made more of my life than I have.
I'm kind of surprised I'm doing as well as I am, actually.
But no one ever told *me* that if I went out & made all the right choices, I could succeed at anything. So when I don't succeed, I don't automatically think "well, I must have fucked that up".
-
It's interesting because it's not something I really experience. I don't have the expectation that I "should" have made more of my life than I have.
I'm kind of surprised I'm doing as well as I am, actually.
But no one ever told *me* that if I went out & made all the right choices, I could succeed at anything. So when I don't succeed, I don't automatically think "well, I must have fucked that up".
The psychological pressure is clearly intense.
A person can *know* that the world is fucking broken & "success" is a capitalist illusion but still feel on a personal level that there is something fundamentally wrong with them because they can't achieve that "success".
Everyone told them they could & should & that the only thing that could hold them back was themselves. So they blame themselves for everything.
No wonder they call it toxic masculinity! That's mental poison.
-
M monkee@other.li shared this topic